Burnout and stress caused Emma to suffer over the years. eventually though Emma found hobbies and interests that enabled her to make drastic changes to her life, resulting in a change of career and a whole new mindset.
Blog post by Emma Stott – wellbeing and parenting coach & trainer
Working in Education, NHS, child care and children’s social care, accruing 30 years of nurturing, teaching, supporting, caring, mentoring, championing & coaching children, teens, colleagues, parents, family and friends.
Yet it took ‘another’ burnout and stress that was constant for me to analyse, reflect, and eventually plan to change my situation. I was searching for change, trying a different job, applying for new jobs, not content with where I was, wanting more, working harder, longer, telling myself to put up and shut up, to just get on with it, get over yourself, think positive, speak positive affirmations daily.
I didn’t even know who I was or what I wanted. This had happened four times in the last fifteen years. But there were over four decades of behaviour that needed addressing.
Everything needed to change. Burnout and stress was taking over my life.
My husband referred to me as a complete stress head, I was not present, often so anxious, lacking in confidence and self-esteem. I had no space in my head to take things in, listen, hear or remember. I was a serious over-thinker too; worst case scenario; planning for every eventuality. Mum to three teens, I was unavailable emotionally to support them, fully consumed in my own pity party world. My cup was so full of ‘stuff’, there was no more capacity.
I’d forgotten to take care of me. I realised I had made myself the very last priority. I had forgotten me, in fact lost me. Had I even known me? For me feeling shame, guilt, embarrassed, vulnerable, fearful & depressed was an every-day occurrence. I wasn’t fun to be around.
Over the years I had helped and supported so many others very successfully, why couldn’t I help myself? As a qualified personal trainer and nutrition coach, I had always exercised and eaten well. Running to gain perspective, manage stress and improve fitness level, lifting weights to become physically strong. But somehow this wasn’t enough.
It was after the fourth burnout and stress which felt constant, that I knew I had to take action to stop this from happening again. Eventually, I finally figured out what I wanted; balance, inner peace, fulfillment. But I needed practical ideas, strategies and a plan moving forward. My mind wanted to know why I felt these things, the reasons behind them.
Lacking resources and strategies, I didn’t actually know how to cope. My health was significantly compromised. The burnout and stress affected me physically and emotionally. For the previous five years I had been suffering with fatigue that would not go away despite lots of sleep, joint and muscle pain & stiffness, headaches, brain fog, widespread inflammation, burning in my face, arms, hands and feet.
Every investigation and test came back normal. I had to take time off work as I was unable to function. My body just gave up. It took a while to get back to relative normality and I did return to work.
It was April 2021 when I was officially diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. Now it made sense, but I was so shocked. I wondered if I had caused this by being such a stress head and so anxious, as if I’d brought it upon myself. Rheumatology scientists don’t yet know what causes these diseases but they do know that stress exacerbates the symptoms.
And so, the self-healing journey began, training to be a life coach initially to coach myself out of this.
I accepted that I was in ultimate control and I needed to take responsibility for myself and work hard (in a different way) realise my core values and apply them, challenge and overcome my limiting beliefs, regulate my own feelings emotions and thoughts and find me. Psychology, mindfulness and life coaching became my study areas of choice, eventually gaining some qualifications. I enrolled on personal development training to improve effectiveness & reduce stress, gaining more qualifications. I became at peace with myself, confident again, self-assured, determined and with clarity for my future vision.
Practicing yoga for a few years really helped me and I could see the benefits (physically and mentally) but I had (and still have) a passion for high intensity exercise. My mantra the “more sweat the better” worked for a time. But my diagnosis meant that if I exerted too much energy in an hour spin class I would be completely wiped out for days after and I’d be unable to function and have to go to bed.
My four decades of pushing myself constantly had taken its toll. I couldn’t carry on the way I was with burnout and stress being part of my life.
This is what I changed;
I began journaling every day. I asked myself two questions.
I wrote what I was planning for the day & my aims and intentions for that day, plus anything else that came up. I call it ‘brain dump’. It helps me to avoid overwhelm and therefore anxiety.
I began to walk at least five times a week outside – even in the rain. Nature and fresh air are so underrated. This help me to be present and orient myself. I often listened to a self-help podcast; Brene Brown and Oprah Winfrey usually!
I began to practice mindful meditation daily. Initially started as ten minutes and I gave myself permission to sit and be still. (Completely opposite to how I used to function!) The time increased to 20 minutes some days. I came across this when I was looking into ways to support myself with stress and anxiety. The benefits were incredible, hence my starting.
I became consistent in practicing yoga five times a week too.
These things became my hobbies. For me there was this realisation that I needed to prioritise myself and my needs before I could help others.
For the last 18 months, I have been practicing these things consistently and the benefits continue to enrich my life.
I finally figured out what I wanted; balance, inner-peace, and fulfillment. And I think I’m achieving it!
I changed the pace, began to trust myself, began to just be instead of do. I do experience stressful situations (like we all do) but because of my hobbies I am fully equipped to deal with life’s challenges. My husband doesn’t refer to me as a ‘complete stress head’ anymore and I’m deeply connected to my children. The benefits of focusing on myself and my own wellbeing have cascaded down to my family and friends. They see me as calmer, self-assured, confident, and measured.
When I look back on my life and experiences in my career and personally, I realised that my real-life experience, skills, qualifications and knowledge could help others. I felt the need to share my journey to empower others. This led to starting my own coaching and training business in September 2020.
I am a wellbeing and parenting coach & trainer. https://www.facebook.com/wellbeingandparenting
I also have a group on facebook called PHEW (positive highly empowered women) where our values are; connect- inspire- nurture- motivate- support. We are a community safe space for women.
My passion is coaching, training and mentoring mums/parents to succeed and achieve their full and true potential by breaking down barriers that are preventing them from progress. I support and encourage them to be true to themselves to reveal what they thought was missing, that is just hiding within.
We are not broken. It’s really simple. It’s not a secret or that we’ve been lied to. We need to look within ourselves. The answers are there.
I share my own journey because I believe it can benefit others. The steps I took work, and I apply them in my work.
I specialise in coaching, training and mentoring women/parents with their health, well-being, parenting and personal development in body mind and spirit. A therapeutic approach using the modalities of cognitive behaviour therapy, mindfulness, meditation, clinical hypnosis and emotional freedom technique.
I teach parents to be present & build deep and connected relationships with their children. Coaching them with emotional regulation, including anger, anxiety and stress. I work with families who are struggling with behaviour patterns that are causing dysfunction. I also deliver workshops for parents & staff in schools and nurseries to support wellbeing and parenting.
Our future starts here…
